I want to fall in love with myself.
I know it’s kind of selfish, but it’s not because of just love for myself. Actually, it’s because I’m self-pitying again. I feel I have lost self-esteem if that is possible. I feel like I’m not my old self anymore. Before, I was always or most of the time happy and contented. Right not I just feel so… incomplete. I dunno what’s wrong and I can’t figure it out. Worse is that I don’t know how to solve his problem. Whether this or that will help me cheer up. Plus, add to that my sickness today. I feel so gloooooooooooooomy. *sigh*
Everything is just a problem for me right now. My responsibility as layout editor, acads, my personal life, and life in general. It feels like there isn’t really any source of happiness. Happiness oh happiness. Why are you so elusive? And I’m also tired of trying to make myself happy. 
I wish someone would do something. I miss my Dad. When he’s here, at least there’s a reason to smile and I’ll be happy with him cracking up silly jokes that don’t really help but at least lightens up the mood.
I feel half-hearted about everything right now. Unlike just a semester ago when I wanted to do everything and was not even scared of what will happen next. Plainly enjoying what I do and determined to make the best of what’s on hand. Right now, I feel scared, I feel bored, I feel tired. I feel like I do not want to do anything. Because I do not have the strength to do so. I feel like every ounce of strength, courage, determination, and zest that I have evaporated into thin air and I feel really lost and wasted.
I wanna be like sleeping beauty all of a sudden. I want a looooooooooooooooong rest. Like there’ll be no tomorrow. Nothing to do. No one to prove yourself to. Nothing to think about.
*Sigh*
But since that’s not gonna happen. I just wish and hope sincerely that God give me even a little self-worth that I may respect myself, search for my happiness, be contented but at the same time strive for more. I want a little of attention. If not from others, then from myself at the least.
Go Janell! You can do this!
