I rarely do this and I actually don’t want to but forgive me for I need somewhere to spill this feeling stuck in my chest. There is this fear that continuously swallows me even though I know that things are fine and they will continue to be. I’m feeling an awkward feeling with someone. I’m really happy being his friend but I fear being with him alone. We laugh, we joke around and do weird things when we’re in a big group, but when it comes down to only the two of us, I can’t help but feel tensed and fearful. It’s like my brain stops working and I feel like I can’t do anything and I can’t think of anything to do. So even though I want to be with him and seeing him makes my day happy, I fear those chances that we can be alone together. I don’t want to disappoint him or him to think that I don’t like him but sometimes it becomes automatic to me that I need someone else other than him to be with. I know he knows it and I hope he remembers and will continue to understand. I wish that someday my fear would stop consuming me and I can be myself when I’m with him only.
Wait for me.. because I want to be there. I wish to be with you and laugh with you and be loved by you. ♥♥♥
