Let This Be My Start

{ December 28, 2009 @ 11:01 am } · { :) }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

I’m just too kinikilig every time.

It’s 3 days til 2010! I badly need a fresh start. I know it’s kinda stupid why people need to have a new year just to be able to make a list of resolutions and realize that they should start to change. However, I do feel that a little ceremony won’t do any harm and may be just a little appropriate for formality’s sake.

I want to change for the better this new year. I wanna love be good and love (argh! why does the word love just burst into the picture?!) follow what’s good. I want to be a better person for myself and for the people around me. Stop bumming around, self! I want to believe in myself more and forget all else that is not beneficial in my life. I want to learn to love myself in spite of all my shortcomings and everything else that I lack. I must remember that if I strive hard enough, I’ll also become what I want to be. And now is the baking process. See, that’s how eggs, flour, and sugar turn into a delicious and scrumptious cake. :D

Here are my wishes for myself:
1. Be more decisive. You waste too much time and effort in making a fuss about things. Decide and be happy with your decision.
2. Don’t hate yourself. Everything you do is a result of who you are. And you are good. So it doesn’t matter what others say. If you’re confident about yourself, then you will be right after all.
3. Ignore things that you don’t like. That’s just like #2 in a way. Never force yourself to do something. ‘Cause if it doesn’t feel right for you, then it most probably isn’t.
4. Prioritize. Even though you like doing what you love, it’s also important to do the things that you need to do. Remember what you are right now.
5. Be active! Be a superwoman! Be a multitasker! That’s life and that’s how it should be lived. There is no dull moment. Every moment you don’t do a thing is a moment for happiness and fulfillment wasted.

So there. :) I hope I’ll be able to remember and put these into action. Haha! They’re so easy to say and write but not always easy to live by. But I shall try and give it my best shot! :D

Love you Lord! :*

Trouble

{ November 24, 2009 @ 12:07 am } · { Uncategorized }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand people.

We are beings with very fleeting thoughts and state of minds. One minute, it’s like this, the next, it’s different. And no matter how much we tell ourselves that we should be somebody else, our true selves just come out and overtakes our supposedly idolized forms. We like to say things to ourselves and to others that are not really who we are or what we feel. They are more of what we want to be. Is it that hard to confess what we truly feel?

Selfish

{ November 12, 2009 @ 10:42 pm } · { :( }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

I want to fall in love with myself.

I know it’s kind of selfish, but it’s not because of just love for myself. Actually, it’s because I’m self-pitying again. I feel I have lost self-esteem if that is possible. I feel like I’m not my old self anymore. Before, I was always or most of the time happy and contented. Right not I just feel so… incomplete. I dunno what’s wrong and I can’t figure it out. Worse is that I don’t know how to solve his problem. Whether this or that will help me cheer up. Plus, add to that my sickness today. I feel so gloooooooooooooomy. *sigh*

Everything is just a problem for me right now. My responsibility as layout editor, acads, my personal life, and life in general. It feels like there isn’t really any source of happiness. Happiness oh happiness. Why are you so elusive? And I’m also tired of trying to make myself happy. :( I wish someone would do something. I miss my Dad. When he’s here, at least there’s a reason to smile and I’ll be happy with him cracking up silly jokes that don’t really help but at least lightens up the mood.

I feel half-hearted about everything right now. Unlike just a semester ago when I wanted to do everything and was not even scared of what will happen next. Plainly enjoying what I do and determined to make the best of what’s on hand. Right now, I feel scared, I feel bored, I feel tired. I feel like I do not want to do anything. Because I do not have the strength to do so. I feel like every ounce of strength, courage, determination, and zest that I have evaporated into thin air and I feel really lost and wasted.

I wanna be like sleeping beauty all of a sudden. I want a looooooooooooooooong rest. Like there’ll be no tomorrow. Nothing to do. No one to prove yourself to. Nothing to think about.

*Sigh*

But since that’s not gonna happen. I just wish and hope sincerely that God give me even a little self-worth that I may respect myself, search for my happiness, be contented but at the same time strive for more. I want a little of attention. If not from others, then from myself at the least.

Go Janell! You can do this!

Cold Morning

{ August 4, 2009 @ 5:53 am } · { :( }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Leave a Comment }

I woke up feeling sad today. I dunno for what reason. Maybe because I still don’t have an assignment in my first class today and I don’t actually think I can answer it right now. Hahaha. But sometimes – if not most of the time – it’s because the thought of him bothers me. Or maybe the thought of losing him… Yes, I’ve already lost him actually. But these past weeks, we’ve been hanging out because of school stuff or friendly get-togethers and I feel like I’m gonna miss him badly when all of these are over. *Sigh* Why the hell can’t I just move on? $?@#!

But there. I think I just spilled it out so that feeling won’t bother me anymore. Hopefully, I’ll feel better now and won’t think about it too much. After all, that’s life. And it’s not yet actually happening so why should I worry? Besides, I’ve got toooooooooooons to do still and my life is getting crappy again so I better stop wasting time blogging about nonsense things and start doing my pending work.

Ciao for now!

Hey!

{ July 30, 2009 @ 1:15 am } · { :) }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

Hey there! :D

Wala lang. It feels like it was such a long time since I last posted here. Can I just say, I am sooooo busy right now. Partly because I wanted to, but also partly for being intuitive and just saying yes to everything. Grrr! I hate my life right now. Or not. I’m actually enjoying it I think. But I don’t want that thought to sink in to me right now. Because I don’t wanna go back to my normal mode because by then, I won’t be as happy as I am right now. *Sigh* So the thought of being unhappy and haggard is most welcome right now. I also don’t want to enumerate anymore what the things that make e happy o the things that make me sad are. I have that tendency to lose what I currently feel whenever I spill it out. So there. I just wanted to say hi, dear blog. And I hope to come back here soon. :)

Love love!

« Older entries